


Fun Festive Games w/ Dan and Phil

by umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex



Series: Days in the Married Life of Dan and Phil [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Party, Innuendo, Marriage, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex/pseuds/umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex
Summary: It's December 2017, Dan and Phil have gotten married and come out the closet, and Felix uploads a video of him, Marzia, and Dan and Phil playing Christmas party games. Set in a universe where Pewdiepie does not delete his channel after 50 million suscribers. Feat: innundoes, Dan and Felix wearing lipstick, Marzia being adorable, sex jokes at Phil's expense, duckface, whipped cream, and even more innuendo. We live in a post-baking world universe, my friends.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, back with more married phan! Hasn't the last two months been great? The rebranding is So Good, and I decided to upload a fic filled with many, many innuendos to acknowledge that. 
> 
> Layout is a bit different this time - as there are four of them, the video format makes it a lot harder to tell whose speaking, I've added a letter at the start of each bit to help identify them. F is Felix, M is Marzia, D is Dan, and P is Phil. Enjoy!

[Video opens on Felix sitting on the right-side of the couch used in the "7 Second Channel W/ Dan and Phil" video, although this time a coffee table can be seen in front of it.]

F: How’s it going bros, this is _Peeeeeeeew_ diepie and, if there’s anything I’ve learnt in my short, significant life, it’s that there are only two types of people at a party: the people who want to go home and those who don't. Trouble is, they are usually married to each other – and, on, that note, today I am joined for some fabulous festive fun by none other than YouTube Power Couple Dan and Phil!

[The camera swings round to include presently mentioned Power Couple in frame: Dan, who is not sure whether he’s just been insulted or not, and Phil, who is giggling and doesn’t seem to care either way.]

F: How are we doing today guys?

D: We’re doing good, we’re doing good – can I just ask, which one am I?

F: Uh, probably the one that wants to go home.

D: What? Hardly.

P: Yeah, no, you’re definitely the one who wants to go home.

D: Whose side are you on again?

F: My side, my side, I want the smart one.

D: Oi!

[Marzia can be heard giggling behind the camera.]

F: OH, and Marzia, Marzia’s also here.

M: Does that mean I get to marry Dan now?

F: No, you’re staying with me forever. You – you – you pinkie swore on it.

[She appears in frame as he speaks, snuggling up close, and nods at the camera Very Seriously as she responds.]

M: I did, I did.

D: I really hope that that isn’t a euphemism for anything.

[A few seconds of awkward silence, during which Phil looks like he’s trying very hard not to laugh.]

F: ANYWAY.

[Jumpcut.]

F: So, Marzia, tell us what Christmassy party games you’ve got planned for us.

M: They’re not actually that Christmassy.

F: What? They’re not?

M: Noooo.

F: Why?

M: I couldn’t find any good ones.

F: _Honestly._ What kind of _game show host_ –

[Jumpcut.]

M: Okay, so, first up is the Kiss-Off –

D: Oh, god.

M: – in which one of the couple has to put on lipstick as heavily as they can; then, they have to kiss their partner on the face as many times as they can in thirty seconds. The couple with the most kisses on the face wins!

D: Well, we all know which one of us is gonna be wearing the lipstick.

[Phil pulls a reluctant face.]

P: Oh, god, is it me?

D: No, you numpty, it’s gonna be me. Just one question: do you have black lipstick?

M: Good news, yes. Bad news, you really would not suit it.

D: Psh, I could probably pull it off.

M: I do have a bright red that’ll really suit you, though – that’s Christmassy, right? Bright red lipstick?

F: Urgh, I guess.

D: Alright, let’s get it on my face.

[Phil snorts, covering his mouth with a hand just a little too late.]

D: What?

P: Sorry, I just thought of a really inappropriate joke.

D: I’m presuming it has something to do with getting something _else_ on my face.

[Phil just keeps laughing. Dan looks at the camera with an expression that very clearly says “ _this guy_ ”. Jumpcut: Phil is mostly composed.]

F: What about me, will I also be wearing that colour?

M: You want to wear lipstick?

F: Hell yeah! I’m not letting Dan steal my thunder.

D: You have 10 times the amount of followers that I do. I think it’s literally impossible for me to steal your thunder.

F: Still, I wanna wear lipstick, why can’t I wear lipstick?

M: You can, you can! I just didn’t know you wanted to.

D: Are you sad that you might miss out on wearing obnoxiously bright lipstick?

M: I am! I bought a new one especially.

F: But I have more face than you do. It would make more sense if I wore the lipstick.

[Phil immediately starts comparing his face size with Dan, who splutters and bats his hands away.]

M: You do have more face than I do.

F: See, I told you! So I should be wearing the lipstick – what colour did you get, again?

M: Bright red, I literally just said.

F: YES.

[Jumpcut: a fast-forward of Marzia applying first lip liner then lipstick with a small brush to Dan’s lips, and then to Felix, interspersed with all four chatting and laughing Jumpcut: both Dan and Felix are gazing just past the camera with wide eyes.]

D: – I look so _pretty._

M: You do!

D: Why don’t I wear this literally all the time?

 

P: I have no idea.

F: We both look so _good._ Someone needs to take a picture of us looking all beautiful together.

D: Not Phil, he’s terrible at taking photos of people, no offense.

P: None taken.

F: Marzia, will you do the honours?

[Jumpcut: Phil has moved over onto Marzia’s side. They’re struggling to get all four of them in frame and _still_ get a good photo on her phone.]

F: Pout with me!

D: Pffff I’m not pouting with you. This isn’t 2009.

F: Come on! Pout with me! Give the people what they want.

D: Okay, okay, fine.

[A pause, and Marzia snaps them both pouting exaggeratedly at the camera, Phil sniggering behind her. Jumpcut: they’re all clustered around the phone.]

M: Can I post this now? I want to post this now.

D: Yeah, alright, why the hell not – let’s confuse a load of people, sounds fun.

F: Just make sure it has a good filter.

[Jumpcut: they’re back on their respective sides.]

P: What were the rules again?

M: Dan is going to kiss you, and Felix is going to kiss me, as many times as they can, and the couple with the kissiest face at the end of thirty seconds wins. Capisci?

[Dan nods; Felix looks like he’s concentrating very hard.]

P: I definitely capiche.

F: _Capisco._

M: You remembered!

F: Yeah, no need to sound so surprised, god.

[Jumpcut. Marzia is fiddling with something on her phone.]

M: Oh… kay… timer is set. Poods?

F: Yeup, coming.

[He moves so as to be sitting directly opposite Marzia, as Dan gestures towards his husband.]

D: Alright, gimme your face. Gimme your face? That sounds weird. Just come here, would you.

P: This is so weirdly nerve-wracking.

F: That’s cause you know you’re gonna lose.

M: Three, two, one…

[She presses a button on her phone, and Felix immediately leaps for her, pressing bright red kisses on her cheeks, chin, and nose; she squeals and scrunches up her face, squeezing her eyes shut as he bombards her. Dan is a little slower on the uptake, his hands on Phil’s shoulders as he presses smacking kisses to his skin, but Phil is laughing so hard he can barely land any.]

D: Stay still! Stop squirming, oh my god.

P: But it _tickles_ – mpf!

F: You look so stupid right now.

M: Don’t stop, don’t stop, keeping going!

[There is a collective ayyyy, primarily from Felix and Dan, followed by a trill from the phone as the alarm goes off. Marzia shakes her bright red head as she leans to switch it off, Dan sighing with relief.]

M: Time’s up!

D: Well, that's the weirdest thing I've ever done on camera.

P: Really?

D: Well, probably not, but it's up there.

F: Comparison shots, comparison shots, we need comparison shots.

[Jumpcut: Phil and a much shorter Marzia are sitting next to each other now, both with lipstick on their faces where lipstick ought not to be. Marzia is particularly bad – there are red smudges even on her eyelids. Phil is relatively unmarked in comparison, although there is a particularly red blotch on his lips.]

F: I think Poods wins! I think Poods wins!

D: Urgh, fine. It’s all Phil’s fault anyway.

P: Hey! It’s not my fault you need a shave.

D: I mean. Felix literally has a full-on beard, but okay.

P: No, but that means Marzia’s used to it.

M: So are we gonna take this off, or…

F: No, you have to keep it on for the rest of the video. It’s in the, it’s in the, it’s in the rulebook.

M: What, no! You just made that up.

F: It’s house rules, Marzia. You have to respect that.

[Marzia gives him a Look.]

F: …can I at least keep mine on?

[Jumpcut: Phil and Marzia are relatively lipstick free, although Phil is still looking a bit pink in places. Felix ad Dan both still have their lipstick on, although possibly a little neatened up.]

M: Okay, next is Boggle with a little twist: you have to find as many words in the others name as you can in ten minutes.

[Phil starts smirking slightly.]

F: 10 minutes! That’s not even nearly long enough.

M: …in half an hour.

F: No, that’s too long, I’ll get bored.

M: In quarter of an hour?

D: Wow, you’re not fussy at all, are you?

F: This is going to be so _easy_ for you two. Like, Phil has a degree in fucking linguistics and you’re a loquacious bastard -

D: Nice word, nice word.

F: - we didn’t even grow _up_ in an English-speaking country. Phil probably knows more fucking words in the English language than Marzia and I combined.

P: Well, you both know more languages than I do. Technically, that means that you’re _both_ better linguists than I am.

F: But we’re playing this game in English. Literally how the hell am I supposed to get any Swedish words out of a name that has a _zed_ in it?

M: I am realising that this is probably a very bad idea.

[Jumpcut: Marzia has her hand over her phone on the coffee table. They all now have pen and paper in front of them. Felix looks puzzled, Dan thoughtful, and Phil determined.]

M: Five… four… three… two… one… go!

[Fast-forward of them scribbling words down on paper (Phil writing the most by far) and chatting amongst themselves as if asking each other how a word is spelt. Felix often looks very frustrated, and Marzia as if she’s regretting her life choices slightly.]

F: I just realised you can’t actually make the word ‘marzipan’ from your name. We’re just missing a ‘pan’.

[He turns to look at Dan and Phil expectantly: the latter laughs, whereas the former looks slightly insulted.]

D: Uh, it’s ‘phan’, actually? Get your shipping names right, god.

[Some more fast-forwarding, then another Jumpcut to Phil sniggering as writes a word down.]

D: What, what, what’s so funny?

P: Nothing, I just thought of a really funny one.

[Dan looks at the camera like he’s on the Office. Jumpcut: the phone goes off. Felix is leaning back into the sofa, groaning, and Marzia lets out a sigh as she turns it off. Dan and Phil, on the other hand, both look rather pleased with themselves.]

M: Time’s up. Who wants to go first?

P: Ladies first.

D: You’re saying that cause you want to save yours till last, aren’t you?

P: …maybe.

M: Fine, fine, I’ll start. My longest is six with elixir, and I also have liver, live, five, duel, evil, vile –

F: Oh, thanks.

M: - elf, rear, fear, and ear. So that’s eleven! That’s not bad, right?

F: You did wonderfully, Marzia, but now it’s Dan’s turn.

D: What, why? Why is it my turn?

F: Youngest to oldest, bro, get your boggle on.

D: Alright, then – I’ve got lip, lips, sea, tea, peas, her, him, cell, mate, lest, least, paste, steel, hell, leer, leap, master, Sapphic, thought that was a nifty one, and climate, my longest being 9 letters long with cellmates. Ha, beat _that_ , Felix.

F: How the fuck did you get twenty? I got, like, barely half that.

P: To be fair, my name does have a lot of useful letters in it.

D: Thanks, Phil.

M: What did you get, Poods?

F: My longest was six with raisin, but I also got bingo, bra, bras, brag, ring, sing, song, snob, and sob. That’s pretty good for a name that has literally _no_ e's in it, right?

M: It is, it is!

D: Can I just ask – how the hell did you get bingo and raisin but not son, bin, go, and sin?

[Felix stares down at his piece of paper for a long moment.]

F: FUUUU –

[Jumpcut.]

F: Alright, now the moment we’ve all been waiting for: Phil, genius extraordinaire, what have you got for us?

P: My longest is only 7, so not as good as Dan’s, but it is something that I think sums him up quite well which is showman –

D: Aw, that’s so sweet.

P: Funnily enough, I’ve also got anime written down - 

D: Of course you do.

P: - as well as how, howl, jam, jams, eel, eels, lad, lads, weed, weeds –

F: That’s just a load of plurals!

D: Hey, they count, they count!

P: - jail, woe, owl, owls, show, man, men, Welsh, which I’m pretty pleased with, laid, jade, jewel, jewels, and finally one with I think is far more Felix’s area of expertise.

[As if slightly embarrassed, he hands his piece of paper over to Felix, who takes it with a confused expression.]

F: …what, anal?

[Dan immediately splutters; Marzia snorts with laughter, and Felix just looks more and more confused as Phil turns progressively redder.]

F: How the hell is that more my area of expertise?

P: No, I meant –

D: Like, as far as I’m aware, you excel in that area.

F: Yeah, I would’ve thought that’d be right up your alley.

D: Oh, it’s up something, alright.

[Felix cackles.]

P: I meant _online_.

[A split second passes before Phil truly processes what he just said: once passed, he’s burying his face in his hands as Dan and Felix keep mocking him.]

F: Whoa, that is not something I needed to know about you guys.

D: Yeah, Phil, that is private information. God, we’ve talked about this.

P: No, stop it, stop it, you’re embarrassing me!

M: You guys are being so _mean_.

F: I can’t believe you got anal from Dan Howell.

M: I can.

[Another moment of silence as all three turn to look at her in shock.]

M: What?

F: Says the one who _literally_ just said we were being so mean.

[Jumpcut.]

F: So, do you have anymore, or…

P: No, I decided to finish with that.

D: Wouldn’t be the first time.

P: Dan!

F: You’re being very blasé about this. I thought you would’ve been more prudish over Phil spilling the beans of your sordid sex life on the internet.

D: Are you _kidding_ me? This is literally the best thing that has happened to me. This is payback for every single time has used my first video to torment me mercilessly. This is, this is, this is _reckoning,_ and I am taking advantage of it as much as physically possible.

F: Bit like Phil was with you last night, AYYYY.

[Marzia silently shakes her head at the camera. Jumpcut: Marzia has a Christmas gift bag on the table in front of her.]

M: And for our final game – this one is slightly more Christmassy as it involves two of us wearing Santa hats –

[She pulls out two Santa hats with obnoxiously sparkly bobbles, dumping them in Felix’s lap.]

M: – and covering our faces with whipped cream.

[She pulls out two cans of whipped cream and places them on the table.]

F: Sponsored by Marks and Spencer’s, apparently.

P: Spon.

D: Spon.

F: Wait, why whipped cream?

M: To make Santa beards!

F: Ohhhh. Yeah, I still don’t get it.

M: The game is that one of us has to shave a Santa beard of the other person as quickly as possible.

P: Can I ask what you mean by shave?

[Marzia reaches in her bag again and pulls out –]

M: We’re going to be using plastic spoons.

[Phil and Felix both laugh as she smiles at the camera, spoons in hand, but Dan just gapes.]

D: Well, this should be fun.

F: This is going to be absolutely hilarious. Whose gonna have the beard?

M: I would say me, just because you have more experience shaving faces than I do.

D: It’s with plastic spoons, I don’t think it really makes that much of a difference.

F: Phil should be the one with the beard out of you two. Dan’s into that kind of thing.

D: What, beards? I mean, I wouldn’t say no to a young Obi-Wan Kenobi, but I wouldn’t say I have a thing for beards.

F: No, I meant for older men.

[Dan splutters; Phil and Marzia laugh.]

D: No, I do _not_.

[Phil gives him a Look.]

D: What?

P: I mean.

D: What?

P: Maybe just a little bit.

F: Thank you!

D: Worst husband ever, literally.

[Jumpcut: Phil is wielding the spray can menacingly as Dan and Marzia both put on the Santa hats. Felix just looks delighted.]

D: If Felix makes one joke about this, I am leaving and taking Marzia with me.

M: Yay!

F: No jokes involving you and Phil squirting white stuff on your face, I swear.

[Dan looks at the camera like he’s on the Office. Jumpcut: with a countdown from Felix, both him and Phil start spraying foam beards on Marzia and Dan, respectively, which immediately start dripping down their faces and onto their tops. Dan splutters and swears; Marzia just lets out a long _ewwww.]_

D: I love how Christmas is supposed to be a time for, you know, giving presents and spending time with family, and yet me and Marzia are spending it covered in whipped cream.

F: You actually look really hot with a beard.

M: Thank you.

[Dan looks at Phil expectantly, who shrugs.]

P: Eh.

M: This feels so weird. I just want to wipe it off.

F: That’s what she said.

M: Shut up and get it off!

F: I mean, really, you’re making this far too easy for me.

[Jumpcut: Phil and Felix are poised with their plastic spoons, Marzia has a hand over her phone. She even has whipped cream in her hair.]

M: Three, two, one…

[She taps her phone, and they leap to action: Felix is faster, frantically flicking foam from her face. Phil, however, is more methodical, ensuring he gets as much of the cream off as possible with each stroke, to Dan’s annoyance.]

D: Hurry up, this is supposed to be a competition!

[Phil pauses, contemplates Dan’s face for a moment, then sticks his tongue out, licking just the littlest bit from his cheek.]

D: – did you just lick me?

P: Maybe.

[Felix glances from Phil to Marzia and back and again.]

F: That’s actually a really good idea.

M: No.

F: Not even a little bit?

M: No.

F: But I thought you liked my tongue.

[He sticks it out and wiggles it: she pulls a face, leaning away from him with another _ewwww_. Meanwhile, Phil is still hard at work, Dan’s lips pressed tight from suppressed laughter.]

P: Finished!

[He leans back with one last triumphant flick of cream from Dan’s relatively well-shaved face; Felix twists around with wide eyes.]

F: What?

M: No!

[Dan laughs, holding his hand out for a high-five which Phil reciprocates with a smug grin.]

D: Oh, I knew there was a reason I married you.

P: Thanks! I think.

[Felix turns again to glare at a giggling Marzia still covered in cream.]

M: It’s your own fault for wanting to lick my face.

D: Hoisted by his own petard.

F: I haven’t even read any Shakespeare and I still know that you used that wrong.

[Jumpcut: Dan and Marzia are both fresh-faced, although she’s still wearing the Santa hat. Felix claps his hands together as he begins speaking.]

F: Alright, bros, that brings us to the end of Fun Festive Games with Dan and Phil –

D: Wait, we haven’t decided whose won yet.

P: We all have!

F: What, how?

P: Because we all have wonderful supportive partners that we can have lots of fun with.

D: Aw, that’s so sweet of you, Phil, but I think that probably means we’ve all lost.

F: Yep.

M: Mhm!

F: Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this video, like and subscribe if you did, blah, blah, blah, you can also subscribe to these gays’ – I mean, guys’ channels as well –

[Phil laughs: Dan just rolls his eyes.]

F: Links are in the description, as well as by beautiful Marzia’s. Alright, everyone ready?

P: Ready.

D: Ready.

M: Ready!

F: Okay, three, two, one…

[They all kiss their knuckles and slow-motion punch at the camera: the video ends on their fists obscuring the frame to laughter as all four try to get their hand in the centre.]

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! Please comment if you did, and I hope you enjoy the rest of gamingmas! I certainly did. The newest Sims video got to me especially as my wife and I are thinking of having a baby ourselves and just. I am so looking forward to the next Sims video you have no idea.


End file.
